hiiiii! my art has improved sm lately cause i've been studying leyendecker and drawing ppl im obsessed with. im writing these paragraphs out of order so sorry about the quick topic changes. though that's how like all of these are structured so nothing new.
been talking to my mom ab politics a little bit. i mentioned the israel/palestine conflict and she had some lib take about hamas hiding behind civilians but other than that it was interesting to hear her thoughts like how her opinion on abortion changed. she used to be very pro life but she's more pro choice now, and i liked hearing her explanation of how her views changed. it's very human i think. she's also questioning christianity a little bit. i could totally make her a marxist sdbhnvkjs
am i a leftcom? no, i won't say i am just yet. the 'ml' label for me was hastily applied without too much research, and it made me believe some stupid shit, so yeah i'm not going to label myself just yet. i *am* a learning communist though, and a revolutionary internationalist marxist. i have principles, but no tendency just yet. there are a few reasons why the leftcom label, specifically of the italian branch, might not be appropriate:
1. i haven't explored the alternatives like trotskyism and councilism. i've heard critiques of them, but i don't fully understand them. neither do i fully understand every icp etc position! so yeah, i'm still learning and i might reject lenin entirely or i might embrace leninism.
2. the national question. most leftcoms accept luxemburg's take on the national question i think? but i'm not so sure if rejecting natlib is a good idea. i'm reading luxemburg's the national question and will form an opinion afterward. but yeah, i'm a bit baffled by the lack of support to palestine. that's an anti colonial movement! wasn't bordiga pro-anti-colonial movements??
3. i belong to no party. kinda the same as the 1st point but yk. you gotta do practice to like get good theory. or smth. #praxis. while i think organic centralism would work in theory, i have yet to see leftcom organizational tactics in practice, so i don't know if they are fruitful.
4. there is no comintern & no communist movement to be to the left of. this is just semantics, though. but i do think that if i fully agreed with the icp, for example, i would not be a "leftcom" but just a communist. so either way i wouldnt be a leftcom ??? wow all of this text just to say that. im silly.
last night i was scrolling through twitter and found so many young women defending prostitution. not just young women, people in general, some marxists even. and men openly admitting to paying for sex. it made me a little sick. well not just a little i actually cried about it and afterward came into my little sister's room to hug them and tuck them in. i don't want them to ever have to see that shit yk? it made me realize how backwards so many people are, and how fucked we are. i will literally fight and die to make sure that no one is ever forced to sell their body for a wage in general, but especially so that no one is forced to be raped for money. sorry if that's corny or whatever i'm just not used to the horrors of society. not that i'm not completely serious.
ik i said i would quit rotting on social media but i've been bolshevik yaoi posting bc im hormonal or smth & i've made some friends on twt. started a lenidzerzhinlov trend (3 of my moots yaoiposting). it's been chill though like i haven't been getting into trouble lol. i've also made edits of sverdlov and trotsky. sverdlov. hehehehe im obsessed with him. i found some footage of him from scouring the internet, literally from russian yt vids with like 600 views and gettyimages. lol he's so hot i think he's my husband. you have no idea like i screamed when i saw him talk for the first time and started blasting 2010s top hits i became kesha.
i've been listening to kino but also like. less music yk. just the stuff i've liked for years while scrolling and drawing. oh i've listened to a few episodes of this trot(imt) podcast though and it's interesting. trots talk about things in a funny way i cant explain it.
i've been reading less :( i finished lenin the organic centralist though! as well as a biography of sverdlov. and the 1st chapter of the german ideology (again) but i give up on that for now im fr tired. i think i'll just read origin while & my moms and read luxembug's the national question earlier than i thought bc that's what i've been thinking about. planning what i should read like 10 books ahead is stupid and i think it's part of why i'm so overwhelmed lol. i cleaned up my reading list last week so that helps. i'm almost finished with my notebook :))) it's been 6 months so its kinda sad that i didn't finish it earlier buuut i'm still proud of myself because i've never rly filled a notebook with notes before yk ?? so yay !
school next month! its earlier than i thought & that's scary because i'm not prepared and i don't have very much time for cramming in marxist stuff before i live at my auntie's and then after school i'll be too tired to read. i have the summer to study marxism like crazy but i'll also have to study for the sats. it's whateverrrr i know i'm a smart and capable person & i can do this. i'm joie de vivre maxxing.
christmas is in exactly 1 week. i got presents for all my siblings and my friend :) it's like the first year i've really spent a lot on ppl. i'm proud of the gifts i chose for them. except my bestie's but he liked it so wtv. i feel so bad for my bff cause like he's probably getting me cool shit and i only got him a doll sdgknjk and for his birthday i'm getting him a card when he got me epic stuff its just so LAME! but im poor and stuff and we haven't been talking so. ugh wtv. but yeah christmas is fun :) idk if we're going to cape cod this year though & thats disappointing as fuck. i hope i get books for xmas i just want to read and i have very few books.
uh i think this is my longest entry. it's def over 1k words. new years resolutions!! i want to do a more dedicated study of marxism and get more educated in general, fill 2+ notebooks with marxisms (ik i can do at least that), take care of my little sisters more, blog every week, draw everyday, take walks outside, and adhere to a schedule. i'm also planning on reading all 3 volumes of capital before i turn 18 because that's a huge flex so after i study some marxology and works written about capital i'll reread volume 1 and read volumes 2 & 3 in the next year and a half. yayyy cya in another 2 weekss